Saturday, March 7, 2015

I'm Back Again With Twenty Percent More Cats,

Hello again, dear reader. I come to you on this cold, bleak Saturday with news. Today wasn't exceedingly good, or bad; it was just today. I guess somewhere something important happened. Maybe something important happened to you today, which in that case I'm sorry/happy for you. Let me pose a question for you that some may find difficult to answer. What is your favorite season? Up here in bitterly cold Michigan, not many people are happy with the weather. It is literally plausible for you to die if you stand outside for too long because it's literally that cold outside. Winter gear here includes boots, a coat, a hat, a pair of gloves, a ski mask, goggles, a small fire, and at least 3 insulating animal skins, preferably in grey. As one does when occasionally chatting with their cousins who don't live in a state where 30 degrees is warmer than usual, I've discovered that not everyone knows what snow boots are. This seemed odd to me. As the snow banks are finally becoming shorter than a small giraffe, the very cool and noveau and completely idiotic 8th graders are putting up their snow boots in favor of sneakers and ballet flats. That's a completely northern phenomenon, that hip teenagers chose not to wear proper winter protection to look cool. Fear not though, educated internet public; they are so mocked by everyone with an IQ above 23

Image result for ballet flats
You fools!

However, there is a similar phenomenon universally of teenagers wearing out-of-season clothing to appear "tough". 

Image result for angry kid
Mhmm. Tough.

As a self-described self-aware person (i.e. hipster), I commit to actually dressing for the weather; which is, as it has been in Michigan for every winter since the beginning of time, bitterly cold.



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Lauren's Happy Face

Lauren's Happy Face
A wild Lern in her natural habitat
Lauren seems like a non-shortenable name, yet Lauren regularly goes by Lern or Lernderern. She is an 8th grader from Michigan who is disturbingly self-aware and somewhat hypocritical at times. She also happens to be terrible at describing herself. Her email is penguin1366@gmail.com, so send her something because she is SO BORED, like ALL the TIME. She sincerely wishes you the best, and hopes you gain something from reading her blog. Bye!